Keeping a Small Town Mayor Out of Jail

The Democratic mayor of Monroe Township (NJ) is in trouble. He's accused of nepotism, sexual harassment, tax evasion, pay-for-access, racial discrimination, and violation of town ordinances.

Among other things, Mayor Michael Gabbianelli allegedly provided a job as a police officer to his son, Michael Gabbianelli  Jr, despite an anti-nepotism ordinance. He also is alleged to have discriminated against an African-American roadside vendor pursuing a sales license in favor of other vendors who are white. To some people, the most egregious of all these charges is that hizzoner blatantly lights up and smokes on government property in violation of town ordinances.

Given these alleged transgressions, it is inevitable that Gabbianelli will face increased scrutiny, maybe even removal from office or prosecution. But there's an almost foolproof way the mayor can alleviate or even avoid the consequences of his actions.

All the mayor needs to do is change his political affiliation from Democratic to Republican. 

While elected officials from both parties engage in inexplicable shenanigans, Republicans generally manage to avoid consequences while Democrats have to face the music.

First, consider the tragically long list of Democrats who paid the price for their bad judgement. President Bill Clinton was impeached for lying about a consensual sexual affair. Anthony Weiner was forced to resign from Congress for using his Twitter account to document his sexual proclivities. Democratic state senators Vincent Fumo (Pennsylvania) and Wayne Bryant (New Jersey) are serving prison terms for their crimes. They may soon be joined by former New Jersey Governor and Wall Street Executive, Democrat Jon Corzine. I doubt if any of Corzine's peer GOP CEOs will ever see a day inside a federal prison despite what their actions did to the economy.


Now, take a look at the other side of the ledger. Republican Senator David Vitter not only ignored calls for his resignation after it was revealed that he was a client of a prostitution ring, but he was re-elected to another term by the good citizens of Louisiana. His GOP colleague, Senator Larry Craig also rebuffed calls for his resignation after being caught soliciting sex in a public bathroom. And the most flagrant abuse of political office in our lifetime was that of George W Bush who, after his stolen election and dereliction of duty in ignoring warnings about 9/11, started an illegal war, sanctioned illegal torture, and ruined the American economy for a generation. Apparently Bush's actions don't qualify as "high crimes and misdemeanors", while Clinton's dalliances do.


So my advice to Mayor Gabbianelli is to go down to the Board of Elections and change your party affiliation immediately. You'll avoid the scrutiny that seems to be targeted to Democrats and you are more likely to avoid punishment for your alleged crimes. But don't be surprised if you become the subject of a Jon Stewart spot on The Daily Show.